Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
