Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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