Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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