Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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