living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
