69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
