No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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