We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
