Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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