I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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