Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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