sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
