hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
