Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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