So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
