Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
