He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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