forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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