so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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