i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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