im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
