With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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