I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
