Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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