didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
