i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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