So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
