we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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