drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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