who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
