so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
