Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
