I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
