I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
