he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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