Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
