How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
