For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
