just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
