he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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