I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
