Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
