Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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