apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
