I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
