The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
