So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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