I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
