Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
