it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
