Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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