you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
