feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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