Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
