if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
