somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
