Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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