I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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