Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
