Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
