I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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