Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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